Today we got to bring you to mass, baby! I know you’ve been going every week for the past 5 months and you’re an old pro now, but things like this mean so much more now. Mama had a hard time today, though. Your daddy had to hold me up more than once while we were there because singing praise to God took every ounce of my strength this morning. But that was okay, because God is so good and He gives me His strength instead. God is in control of our situation, and for that I am eternally grateful. The best part is, you know how I know He loves us, baby? He gave us His son Jesus, and you and I both got to have a little Jesus today, if you know what I mean. đŸ™‚
The psalm today was almost ironic it hit so close to home. I can’t remember exactly what verses we were singing, but it was something along the lines of “The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy”, which couldn’t be more true. God has done so many great and wonderful things, and that includes you, baby! You are so wonderful, and made in His image! And while thinking about how I have so little time left to spend with you does make me sad, just the thought of little you and how amazing you are brings me such infinate joy. You are our little baby and nothing can ever change that.
Later on, I took you on a Target run. It was my first time in public (or anywhere, really) without your daddy or some family by my side since the ultrasound. Baby, you and I have been grocery shopping a million times, but I have to be honest I could barely get through my list today. It felt like I was walking through quicksand and more than once I looked at my full cart and almost just left it in the isle and walked out of the store like a crazy person. I just am having such a hard time thinking about life without you. I feel guilty even telling you all this, because you are just a little baby and I don’t want to burden you with my grief. But I want to know just how much I love you and am going to miss you. Tomorrow will be a happy day, though. I promise!
Tomorrow your mama and daddy get to learn whether you are a boy or a girl! The techs at both of your ultrasounds weren’t able to tell us because you’re so squished in there, but the amnio will tell us. I am so so so excited and can hardly wait for the call! Let’s get some sleep. Your daddy has to get up early to go to work tomorrow morning, so that means we will get up early too. I love you so much!
Love,
Mama
“The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.” Psalm 126:3