We were so happy to see you again today, baby! But unfortunately it was to learn more sad news. The doctor we saw today painted us an even more grim picture of your future than your mama’s usual doctor.
You have something that I think is called hydrops (if I’m remembering that right), which means there is fluid in lots of places in your body (like your brain, your stomach, and around your heart and lungs). And your precious little heart is working too hard. It wasn’t beating nearly as fast today as it was yesterday, and the doctor told us it’s twice the size it’s supposed to be. Your beautiful little arms and legs are not as long as they should be. But don’t you worry about any of that… you are perfect and beautiful.
Your mama had a test called an amniocentesis done this morning too, so the doctor could try to figure out what was causing all these problems. It was so painful, but your daddy was there to help keep me distracted with funny videos of your big brother the whole time. But don’t you think for a second that I wouldn’t endure whatever pain it would take to make you well again, baby. I would.
The problem is, the doctor said it doesn’t matter. The test results don’t really matter. That there’s nothing that we can do. That they can’t fix you. That is the hardest part, baby. To hear that there is nothing on this earth that I can do to help you when all I want to do is protect you.
Your daddy took the day off of work to spend with mama today. I didn’t feel like getting off the couch for most of the day, though, because my stomach was sore from being stabbed and I was exhausted from the emotional drain of the morning. Your daddy, though? He is a saint. He brought me everything I needed and checked in to make sure I was okay. He loves us both so much.
Lots of people were helping us out today, baby, so we have to remember to thank them, because they love you too. Your aunt Kristin watched your big brother and took him to his music class while we were seeing you at the appointment. And your Siti (grandma Beth) watched Tommy so that your mama and daddy could spend the whole day just being with you and then made us dinner. I hope you liked the spaghetti squash, because your brother didn’t seem to. 🙂 After dinner your aunt Stephanie and (soon-to-be) uncle Jake went to the store for some tylenol for your mama and then surprised me with some yummy goodies and a request to read in their wedding next summer! Even if you won’t be there with us, I know you’ll get to watch. Hopefully mama won’t stumble over her words. 🙂
Still staying strong for you, little one. I think it’s time for both of us to get some rest. We love you so very much.
Love,
Mama
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Phillippians 4:13)